Stumped

Whatever the opposite of a nightmare is, I keep having a recurring one, whereby I wake up (in my dream) and my hair is flowing around my jawline. Oh what a mild and pleasant surprise, two years of growth overnight. How lovely, now I can have seamless extensions for my wedding day, or even another few inches of natural growth before next December so I can look like a proper girl in my wedding dress. My dreams often traverse into reality like that. It just adds to the disappointment of waking up with my hair the EXACT same length as I left it the night before.

Seriously. It has stayed resolutely same-short for the last six weeks. I swear its just stopped growing. OK, so I'm definitely resembling more of a microphone head every day, and my ears are slightly more ticklish, but I see no physical evidence otherwise.

Same for my eyelashes. Stumpy has muscled in where Spidery hasn't been seen since 2010. Its a lash tragedy. I'm having a RevitaLash hiatus too, since my extreme post-treatment wobbly has manifested itself in eyelid eczema. Nice huh? I didn't know such a thing was possible, but my eyelids are under the weather.

Oh Tamoxifen, Tamoxifen, how you irritate my skin (I think). After months of a chemo complexion silver lining, I'm suddenly at the mercy of screwy hormones again. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have the drug insurance deal, but I'm sad that my skin is drier and oilier all at once, downier (this is what gave Marilyn Monroe that soft focus effect apparently - I'm in good company), and generally unpredictable.

This being SophieFeelsBetter, guess what? I have a solution. It's not revolutionary, but its damn effective. SK-II Facial Treatment Clear Lotion swiped over after cleansing (twice) has restored my skin to a nicely settled state. No outbreaks for 4 weeks and counting. Miraculous Aqueous cream keeps the sore eyelids at bay, and a dab of Aveeno Positively Ageless Eye Serum round the outside I'm hoping counteracts the extra drying effect (that's how wrinkles are made) but it's not aiding my lash growth. I'm like an Angry Birds enthusiast, urging them on with mental facial straining, as if leaning my whole phone to the right will make my bomb bird travel further. The same doesn't work for the lashes either. They've stayed at half a cm since they came back. In their glory days I could add a whole 10mm onto there.

Every mascara drop in the LOOK office is lucky to make it to the beauty cupboard. Don't tell my team but they may be missing some crucial new launches, since anything lengthening or volumising surreptitiously sneaks into my handbag instead. Here are my findings:

Clinique High Lengths - good for coating every lash and separating the stumps, but doesn't quite do its eyebrow tickling job as yet. This is my everyday mascara at the moment.

YSL False Lash Effect - ah, the mascara of my 'before'. I love this stuff. It really gives, well, a false lash effect. But for some reason (and I'm always going to blame the tamoxifen for this), it imprints on my top lid these days so I look like a sweaty panda. With stumpy lashes.

L'Oreal Lash Architect - it has different sized bristles around the brush which is really good for coating the little lashes - my forte - but again, not quite enough. Still stumped.

The only option left is actual real life falsies. I'm racking up some serious practice these days, I'm almost quite good at applying them. Only almost mind, so I'm relying on my fool proof method. Cut the end quarter off and stick that in the outer corner. It's easily elongating, enough to make my eyes MUCH prettier, really hard to f*ck up, and totally observes the TOWIE anti-drag laws of false lashdom.
Urban Decay do an excellent set or four mini bits of lash, that's four whole comfortable photo opportunities and no need for scissors. Well worth the £11...

On the hair front I had a chat with the Philip Kingsley Trichology Clinic. The good news is my hair is doing very well. The bad news is it is growing back at a good rate, and I'm doing all the right things to make it grow faster, but I'm just oblivious. For oblivious read horribly impatient.
If you're interested, special shampoo apparently makes no difference - (mentally I am still attached to my Nioxin, it might be mythical but so is Santa, and look at the positive influence he has on life) - protein is the key. Basically your hair shuts down to protect itself, so when it feels it can happily grow again it does. I need some hair happiness. Maybe a Missoni ornamental comb? That would for sure make my hair happy. My pocket not so much...