Thursday, 16 February 2012

Friends in High Places

I've recently had to go through the incomparable trauma of getting a new head shot done for the mag. I've been bumped off the Tried and Tested panel since everyone knows my long hair shot is an out and out lie, so they won't believe I try out the products. Part of my back to normality strategy involves reinstating myself on the job front, which means being reinstated on the panel, which means a posed shot with short short hair. Argh.

The main problem is of course the hair. After a blissful couple of weeks of 'oh your hair looks really good now!' and having a rough idea of how it will behave on a day to day basis, I'm now back to having no clue whatsoever. This does not bode well for headshot day. My relaxing treatment has, well, relaxed in terms of its effect on controlling the waves these days.
You can see my anarchic hair discomfort in the shot if you do happen to turn to the later pages of next weeks issue. It's all behind the eyes.

My shoot this morning; first things first, make a beeline for Peter Lux, wondrous hairstylist and friend.
Me: "Please you have to help me." (whilst demonstrating excessive length and unnatural projection of sidies).
Peter: "I'm not cutting it".
Me: *sobs*

Instead he sat me down and lectured, sorry, chatted to me about my options. Starting with a Keratin treatment, or Brazilian Blowdry to the uninitiated. Essentially it does the same thing as a relaxing treatment, but it's a very different thing. If you're not interested in why skip this paragraph (but risk missing a mega fact about Immac - you remember Immac?)

Relaxing opens the cuticles of a hair shaft to allow the treatment to get to work on the shaft underneath. But, the more closed the cuticle, the healthier, happier and more manageable the hair. Relaxing and perming works the same way to open the cuticles so much it sort of makes hair spongy. Immac fact: hair removal cream is basically nothing other than really strong relaxer or permer. The only difference is it raises and opens the cuticle so much that the hair shaft underneath melts.

Um, so I've very recently changed my opinion on hair relaxing. I'm sorry readers, I was ignorant to the full facts. I fearlessly try in the face of error, so don't worry if you've already relaxed yours. all it means is your hair probably looked fabulous for 2 weeks but now it's suspiciously curly again? Time to try Brazilian. This does the opposite job of smoothing the cuticle so much it actually makes hair healthier and straighter for a good 6-8 weeks. I'm going to try this out ASAP and report back. You can do it on top of chemical treatment too. Win win!

Boring or excessively interesting, we can all take serious note of Peters Pearls of Wisdom. He happens to know a thing a or two about pixie crops, since he does the hair of our Pixie Crop Heroine, Emma Watson herself. I unknowingly bumped into him at an event last week where she was, (I know). When she came in the first thing I was envious of was her sleek, perfectly groomed, wonderfully flattering hair. Very close second was the Valentino lace gown she was wearing. Third, in retrospect, her fashion standing, millions of pounds and presence of both boobies to fill out the beautiful Valentino to perfection. And her Louboutins. This is how my mind works when it comes to envy these days.

Today on my shoot he told me he did her hair that night. I thought he was just there for the free pigs in blanket. Kidding, it was the crabmeat blinis. So I now have insider knowledge of exactly how he did it, and a live hotline to maybe the biggest expert in beautifully managed short short hair I could ever happen to be friends with. WOOHOO

Emma Watson sleek crop How To:
1. Get hold of some run of the mill hair gel. chances are your boyfriend has some from 1998.
2. Section off very top section, then slick everything underneath down with the gel. For an extra specially sleek look Peter did very small sections to ensure it was all saturated with gel.
3. The most flattering bit is super flat sides, and this can only be done with serious amounts of precise gelling.
4. Her hair is longer than mine, so Peter twisted the very back and pinned into a minuscule chignon to keep the neck tidy.
5. The top section he sprayed with a little mist of spray gel and shine spray, it takes any crispness out of the hair and gel, and also it retains a little volume so it's not quite as flat as back and sides.

That's his formula for most flattering flatness ever. I'm going to try it immediately. I'm almost positive DadJokes has had a dalliance with wet look in his time, I'll recce his bathroom cabinet imminently.

So back to my erroneous sidies. It is that small 1 inch of hair from sidie to sidie and right around the hair line is the bit that defines the length within any hair style. Unfortunately this is the bit that, in Peters own words, looks stupid while it's growing. The bit on top is just the filling it out, the layers. So however strong my temptation is to deal with my 'stupid' sidies and emergence of a worrying mullet at the back, I MUST REFRAIN.

In my case, because I want to grow my hair for wedding purposes, I have to let the inch grow till it gets really really really annoying, then I have to cut it upwards in tiny measures. Basically, my hair is two inches long all over, so the side bit is two inches, but the bit above it is too, so when it's brushed down, the sidie looks particularly stupid because of all the ends not meeting, so in a months time (apparently I'll have 12 mm more) then I start cutting the very very bottom to meet the layer above, so it can all grow down in a much more civilised manner and thicken up the ends.

Make sense? If not you only need to know that a Brazilian is best. A common philosophy among women folk in a certain sense anyway, regardless of their health or hair length, yes women?..

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